


Head Idiot

by Aranei



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 19:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17813792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aranei/pseuds/Aranei
Summary: Friends don't always have your best interests in mind.





	Head Idiot

It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. Merlin had decided that it was really the definition of complete stupidity and he was a master with the title of Head Idiot with a crown to match.

After Sophia had been the first time. Arthur had sounded so miserable on the phone all week. Merlin had only come over to cheer him up, order some take out, drink a few beers, maybe watch a movie. He knew logically in the back of his head when Arthur first kissed him that it wasn’t going to go well. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself. This was, after all, his dream.

It had taken a lot but he pulled away, “Are you sure about this?”

Arthur looked at him through his beer buzz. He didn’t say all the words that would have given Merlin pause. ‘I just need to forget her.’ ‘A good mindless fuck or two is what I need.’ ‘I just want to fuck something right now.’ He just smiled and said, “Yeah.”

He woke in the morning in Arthur’s bed, alone. 

There was a note, something about work and his father. Arthur managed to avoid him for two weeks, until the gang got together at somebody’s house. He brought a girl with him so, of course, they didn’t speak of it.

Vivian had been a gorgeous right pain in the ass. She had been bitchy and bossy right from the start. Morgana’s theory was that she was the world’s best cocksucker. Gwaine’s theory was that she was very bendy. Either way, it didn’t make for a lasting relationship. They were sitting in Arthur’s living room drinking beer, eating pizza and watching bad movies. They were half-way through Hot Fuzz when Arthur reached over and put a hand on his thigh.

Merlin knew deep inside he should say no, get up, walk away, basically anything else, but his decision making department was currently invested in the hand sliding up his thigh. “I thought you weren’t interested…” He let the words hang there.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Arthur didn’t give him a chance to answer as he leaned over and gave him a thoroughly dirty kiss. 

He woke in the morning in Arthur’s bed, alone. 

There was a note about some foundation project meeting. Merlin tried to talk to him but Arthur always managed to be busy, until there was no point in talking. 

Uther had arranged for Arthur to meet Elena. She was sweet, kind and possibly the clumsiest person on the planet. They were good together, had a lot of fun and if they had had no choice, they would have been ok. In the end, they decided they made better friends and she stuck around. Merlin liked her quite a bit and everything was good till Gwaine returned from Australia. Merlin knew better than to drink alone with Arthur but he would have been lying if he said he didn’t want it to happen, and hope that this time would be different. 

They weren’t alone 30 minutes before Arthur finished two beers and made his move.

The note this time simply said he had to go. 

Gwen and Merlin were hired at the same time as programmers at Lingua Magnifico and instantly hit it off. She was new in town and Merlin decided that she would fit in well with his group of friends. Within five minutes of meeting, the girls had absorbed her into their click and Arthur had taken a shine to her. They dated for 8 months before Lance came along. In the end it was mutual. 

Merlin had vowed not to be alone with Arthur anymore, especially after a breakup. He knew he had been an absolute idiot over him, letting Arthur use him. But it was hard to let go when Arthur was what he wanted. A group of them had been at his watching movies and drinking and when it all was said and done, he and Arthur were suddenly alone. He didn’t wait to make his move.

Arthur didn’t even bother to leave a note. This time Merlin stayed away. 

Months passed but he couldn’t avoid him entirely. Merlin met Arthur’s latest girlfriend at Morgana and Leon’s wedding. Mithian was lovely. She was pretty with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She was bright and quick keeping Arthur on his toes. She was also unfailingly kind. He really thought they had something so was surprised when they broke up.

Arthur invited him over for pizza, beer and movies. They weren’t supposed to be alone but, well, it had been more than a year. Merlin decided he would take the chance. When he sat down on Arthur’s couch, he made sure to put some distance between them.

“She said she didn’t want to be second,” Arthur bemoaned.

Merlin closed his eyes for a moment wondering what the hell he was doing, “Second?”

Arthur didn’t bother to answer his question. He grabbed a beer and flopped down on the couch. “I am never going to have anyone. I will grow old and die alone.”

Merlin stared at the telly. The beer, for once, was making him brave. “What about me?”

“What about you?” Arthur gave him a puzzled look before noticing he was spilling beer on his shirt.

A bit of cold fear shot down his spine making him shiver slightly. He decided he wasn’t drunk enough and took a big swig of his beer. “Well, I’m somebody,” Merlin offered.

Arthur laughed, big, bright and beautiful. “I’m not gay Merlin.”

Merlin didn’t like that answer and pushed, “I know you’re not gay. You’re bi but I could live with that.”

“Live with that?” Arthur’s face practically scrunched into a question mark. “I’m not bi either.”

“What about..” Merlin swallowed hard as he gestured between the two of them. “..you know.”

Arthur made a dismissive wave with his hand. “We were just fooling around. Just experimenting.”

Merlin felt tight in the chest. He had no response to Arthur, just repeated the words to himself, “just experimenting.” He nodded his head, “So you would never…”

Arthur’s voice had that posh tone, as though he were offended that someone thought him too good for something he thought himself too good for. “Never what? “

Merlin swallowed nervously. He wanted to know but he didn’t want to know because he already knows but he doesn’t want to think about it and all he could think was now or never. “Consider me?

Arthur laughed, hard, as he reached over and patted him on the knee. “Don’t be silly.”

Merlin took a deep breath as the feeling in his chest tightened and threatened to burst out his face. Arthur had never once considered him as anything but convenient, a plaything.“Oh. ok.” He quietly finished his beer hoping it would ease the pain in his chest. It didn’t make the slightest dent. He set down the bottle. As he got up he glanced at Arthur and made a choice. In that moment he metaphorically shoved off his head idiot crown and headed for the door.

“Hey, where are you going?” Arthur asked.

Merlin turned around to look at Arthur. For all his golden, sun kissed beauty he suddenly seemed a bit lackluster. “I’m going to find someone who isn’t just experimenting.” He smiled as he watched the smile drop off Arthur’s face. “Bye Arthur, see you around”


End file.
